Okay, so the clip is a little goofy but it is from one of my favorite movies. The movie was made from one of my favorite books, and whenever I think of marriage, I think of this scene. My poor future husband! Who knows what might happen at our wedding!
But I’m not thinking so much about “Mawwiage” as I am about being the single girl at church. It is an interesting role to play. It is hard enough to navigate the dating world as it is, but within the walls of many churches there seems to be a very frustrating set of unwritten rules…
Rule No. 1: I have to be married. Correction: I have to WANT to be married.
Rule No. 2: Every married person in the church has the opportunity [and the right] to set me up with their version of an “eligible bachelor”.
It seems to be a defining part of the church-culture to ASSUME that not only do the young singles WANT to be married, they in fact NEED to be married…and it is your job (yes, you!) as the nosy neighbor to set up young single No. 1 with young single No. 2. I think that I have been proposed to by my pastor’s wife at least 4 times in two years. Three of those proposals happened at the same time, to three young men who “need wives”, and happened to be standing together at the time.
To add to it, in talking with other “eligible singles”, I have been made aware that young people are being raised to pursue marriage almost blindly. Forgetting that God will make it obvious, forgetting that love is a part of the equation, and forgetting that God may have bigger plans for our lives. Many singles are actively pursuing marriage more than they are pursuing God’s plan. I had it explained to me that they “just want to be married”, and I wonder how much more difficult they are making it for themselves and others by not patiently and prayerfully waiting for God’s say in the matter.
There are a thousand ways I could go with this post, for certain, but I think my point is, what happened to leaving it up to God? When did we decide that its not okay for God to choose our spouse, to lead us to his chosen match for us when the timing was right? And why aren’t the married people, who are supposed to be leading and mentoring us into a healthy way of entering this new area of our lives, choosing to lead us to pray and seek God before we prey and seek men?
I am a firm believer in God, and I am a firm believer that the nosy neighbors at church have NO idea what it might be like to be in a relationship with me. I don’t think they should even attempt to put those fine young men in that awkward position. What if I was straight up crazy!? Seriously, that is something that should be left up to him ENTIRELY. I would much rather that those loving mentors keep themselves from being the nosy neighbor, and rather encourage me with love and prayer. That they guide me to seek my loving Father and to follow faithfully whatever path may appear before my feet (man or no man).
My prayers are often that God will provide a spouse for me, someone to share my life with and start a family with. That God may lead me, preferably sooner rather than later, to the man He has chosen for me. And also that if it isn’t sooner, that I may find the patience to deal with that.
I don’t see a problem with actively pursuing God’s will in your life, I don’t even really see a problem with purposefully seeking a partner. My concern is when the quest for a partner becomes a distraction from the Kingdom of God and your purpose in the Kingdom. I pray often that a certain young single in my life does not become a distraction or an obsession in my life, because whatever God has planned for us (whether it be a relationship, or a friendship, or nothing) is greater than any fantasy life I can create on my own.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
Ultimately, the spouse God has chosen for us will enter our lives. God will see to it that His plan is realized, as long as we are within His will. How much more difficult do we want to make it on ourselves, how much more pain do we want to bring into our lives by not seeking Him first?
God has a plan, he’s got it figured for us and we simply need to choose to follow that path. Whether you are a single seeking a partner, or simply a human seeking something…the Father needs to come first. Are you ready for God’s peace in your life, for God’s will and path?
Beautifully said and wonderfully encouraging! So glad you shared this
Thank you Emily! I greatly appreciate you reading, and am glad that my point of view could be encouraging.
I love your view on marriage and whole heartedly agree with it. I don;t necessarily need to marry. In actual fact, I am happy as I am at this moment in time, which took some work, I tell ya, but had nothing to do with desiring marriage. If mr Right comes along, I will be ahppy to share my life with him. If he doesn;t I ma happy to continue to serve Him single-mindedly (pun intended!).
Thanks for being so clear!
Thanks for reading Fenny! My brain tells me I don’t need to be married, my heart sometimes says different but I think its important to be open to God’s leading for sure.
Thank YOU for being so clear in your comment…I am sure, whatever He has planned, even if it is “single-minded” will be amazing for all of us.